Mischief

Once upon a time, there was a bored prince. He wasn’t a typical prince, because people seldom bothered to call him by his name. There were the prince Philips and Florestans and Erics, but he was mostly just the Charming Prince, Your Highness, or just the Prince. He was just a prince. Maybe he was too boring to be anything else.

The prince was the most bored at the balls. They were held in the castle so often that the next ones were already being planned before the last ones were over. The king had said the balls were the best chance for the prince to find himself a good wife, before one of them was too old, the king for being a king and the prince for being a prince.

The prince knew, however, that he didn’t interest anyone at those balls. Not even as a shortcut to more power and riches. Everyone had those already. To the young ladies, the ball was only a stage for competing against each other. The prince didn’t want a part in any of it, so he disappeared frequently from those gatherings, and managed to make himself even less inviting: the rumour of the prince’s fragile health was widespread.

Like every good prince, the bored prince had one good friend. His name was Lanry, and he was the son of the captain of the guard. He always remembered to call the prince by his name.

– William, my man, if you are so very bored, do something about it for heaven’s sake, and stop wasting your time pouting every single day, said Lanry one day to his friend, who was lying on his pompous balcony and playing chess against himself, like usual. Lanry had said the same many times before, but William had never listened. He thought it too troublesome. Usually Lanry just shook his head, but today he said:

– You have to be pretty crazy, but also have some brains if you can manage to play chess against yourself. I should really like to see it, if you decided to use that craziness and those brains for something more productive. Like, completely useless mischief. That’s how you make life interesting.

After saying this, Lanry fled the room with his ponytail swaying behind him. William was left to stare after his friend. For a moment he was very still, his eyes almost glass-like. Then, so fast it was most likely your imagination, a smile crossed his lips and a gleam lit up his eyes. Before the moment was over, he looked bored again. He turned to check-mate the white king.

When the night came, prince William had wandered around the castle more than was characteristic of him, and he ended up asking something from his father. It was so unusual, that the king was startled and agreed at once, without stopping to think for a second what he’d agreed to. After a while, his brows rose and only then he asked:

– But why? Why in the world would you want to invite common folk to the ball? That’s most unheard of!

– But father, said William. – You do understand that the best wife for me is going to be found among the townspeople. Us royals have been living deserted in our castle for so long, even our blood must be foreign compared to our citizens. Who could be a better queen than one who understands the people?

The king blinked in confusion, and promised to think about it, even though he believed a queen had to be born royal. William left his father’s rooms and ran straight into Lanry. His eyes fixed on William, big and round.

– And what the actual hell was that all about? asked Lanry, and turned to walk beside William.

– Oh well, I was merely taking your advice, said William monotonically. Lanry’s eyes got rounder and his brows lifted so high his bangs hid them.

– All right, I do say so many stupid things I can’t keep up with them myself, but I would certainly remember, had I ever suggested you should get a maid for a wife!

William’s brows moved a little up and down.

– I took your advice, he said again. – I have just committed my first “mischief”. I figured I would start with something light, so I decided to shake my father’s world view a bit.

Lanry stared at him in silence before bursting into laughter.

– Of course. Your “mischief” is so twisted it’s a wonder if you recognize it as such yourself!

William didn’t find it particularly worthwhile to answer that, and so Lanry continued laughing until his throat was dry. Then he said:

– I was thinking about something a little more practical. You could most likely take common stink bombs to a new level. The castle would be a mess for a week…

– This will be enough for now. I will tell my father tomorrow, that I wasn’t serious.

– No, why would you? said Lanry. – Let him have the ball! It’s going to be better if he has to go through the trouble. Your idea may be lame in itself, but there’s a lot to take out of it.

William rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

– I had not intended to do anything so grand, but I admit I see a certain appeal to it now.

Lanry sighed dramatically.

– You always complain you’re bored, and still you would miss out on an opportunity when it’s playing a doormat.

Before two weeks had passed, the ball was held. The king had sent an invitation to every eligible woman in the city, and the castle was so full, the people who arrived later, had to be turned back at the door. The prince however, was not any more eager to participate than usual. He was certain he would get more attention in this ball than in any of the previous ones, and that wasn’t appealing to him in the least. Lucky for him, it was a masquerade, so William was able to ask Lanry to go instead of him. Lanry was startled at first, but William’s will was stronger.

– It is suitable to dress as a knight to a masquerade. An iron shirt, and a hood on, to accompany the mask, and no one will be able to tell you are not the prince, as long as you stay within a reasonable distance from my father.

William played chess, and Lanry had fun at the ball. He returned in high spirits, his cheeks glowing. William continued to move his chess pieces, while Lanry chattered about his night. He had danced himself dizzy with the most charming young woman he had ever met, but he hadn’t even remembered to ask her name. She had fled without a word when the clock had struck twelve. Lanry went on and on about how their conversation had flown like a dance, and how the dancing was more like flying. To which William said that Lanry had probably eaten poisonous mushrooms by mistake.

– You don’t even know what this girl looks like, said William. Lanry didn’t care.

– You just feel it, when you meet the right one…

– I see, William said, looking at Lanry’s glowing face thoughtfully. Then Lanry made a kind of dance move, and his smile turned into a stupid grin.

– I have to go to the city to look for her! I’ll know her when I see her… but she may be shy and hide from me. I’ll have to prepare for a long search.

William was not interested in having any part in it, so he left Lanry to his own devices, to dream about his charming lady.

But William found himself at his father’s door again the next morning.

– What do you say, father, if we hold the ball for two more nights? I met the most charming lady last night, but I’m afraid she was extremely shy. I couldn’t even get her to tell me her name. I should very much like to lure her back to the castle.

The king almost dropped his toupee, but agreed, since his only son wished it.

Lanry was in Heaven when he heard, eager to meet his love again. William had no intention of attending the ball this time either, so Lanry got to play the prince again.

After the night’s ball, Lanry went back to William’s balcony to boast about his night. The mysterious woman had indeed come back, and Lanry talked and talked, mostly about the same things he’d said the night before. William gave it hardly half an ear. Lanry had still not heard the girl’s name, or any other clue that would help him find her, but he was certain her heart was already his. The next night he would do it, he would get her to tell him her name, and they would take their masks off in front of each other.

When Lanry noticed William didn’t have the slightest interest left to listen, he went silent. After watching his friend for a while, he had calmed down a bit, and said:

– I have found the love of my life, and am eternally grateful to you for giving me the opportunity, once, twice, and thrice even. But what in the world would make you happy? What are you getting out of this?

William glanced at Lanry with a ghost of a surprise on his face. Then he turned serious again.

– Father believes I have fallen in love with a commoner, at least until the ball is over. That will bring enough amusement for me for a couple more days, said William with a proud face.

Lanry shook his head.

– You’ve been hooked to teasing your father. At least change the victim, or you’ll grow bored of this too.

But William had just solved a stalemate on the chess board. His attention was nowhere to be reached, so Lanry silently withdrew into his own bedroom, to think about his lovely woman.

The next day, William didn’t go into his father’s rooms, but looked for one of the castle’s handymen instead. They quickly agreed on what was to be done, even though the man looked confused by the prince’s request. That day William was nowhere to be found. Only moments before the ball, he had returned to his rooms, and Lanry found him on the balcony. The chess had changed into a checkers board, but other than that, the prince looked the same he always did. Lanry could have believed he had been there all day, if he didn’t know he hadn’t.

– Here I was, thinking you wouldn’t even come to wish me good luck! This is the night!

William looked at him.

– Well, since you’re here, I’ll do just that.

Lanry stood there for a moment, looking at his friend, but William did not lift his eyes from his game board. Lanry sighed, when he realized he was waiting in vain.

– That does not count as wishing me luck.

– Yes it does, said William. Lanry rolled his eyes.

– Anyhow, today she won’t escape from me!

Lanry put his fist up in the air.

– I am sure you know how to arrange it, William said.

– My love knows how to arrange it!

William bothered to look at his friend.

– I don’t know which one of us is crazy, any more, he muttered, mostly to his checkers board.

Lanry’s night at the ball went as usual. The woman made him dizzy, and the couple spent their night in a dancing conversation and a flying dance. Until the clock struck midnight again. Only after the woman had already run away from Lanry, towards the castle’s great doors, he startled to realize he still hadn’t got her name. They still hadn’t taken their masks off.

Lanry panicked, when he realized he’d lost his last chance, and ran after the woman as fast as he could. She had a lead, but Lanry was certain her high heels would slow her down on the stairs outside. After reaching the stairs, Lanry almost fell on his face. His legs had suddenly refused to move. Lanry was looking at his stuck boots in confusion. The stairs were swimming in pitch.

Lanry was already late. When he lifted his gaze, his mysterious woman disappeared behind the columns in the big yard, hidden by shadows. But then Lanry’s gaze fell upon something shiny in front of him. It was a glass slipper. It had to belong to his love. Lanry reached out for it in his sadness, and managed to get it off of the pitch.

That’s when William appeared close to him. He was standing a little above Lanry, on a clean step, looking unusually pleased. Lanry looked up at him, speechless.

– What? said William then. – It’s you who told me to have fun at someone’s expense, other than my father’s.

– You didn’t have to pick me! And don’t you dare claim you were trying to help me catch my love with something as impractical as this!

– I certainly did not. No one is that idiotic.

Then William’s eyes shifted to the shoe in Lanry’s hand. Lanry looked at it too, and sadness fell upon his face again.

– Well, at the very least, I have one thing to remember her by.

William was still looking at the shoe.

– Stop counting your chickens. The shoe still has better things to do.

Lanry turned to look at his friend, his brows high. William slid the shoe from his hand, and lifted it against the night sky to take a better look at it.

– The maiden, who this shoe fits, will be the queen of this land, said William slowly. – How does that sound?

Lanry frowned.

– Um, what?

– Just like you heard.

Lanry stared at his friend in confusion.

– Um…, he started then, rubbing his head. – If throwing pitch on the stairs is idiotic, then that is raving mad. You do realize the shoe will most likely fit half of the young women in the city?

William gave a quiet laugh.

– That’s the idea.

– Is this some grand royal mischief, or what are you up to? I don’t understand!

A ghost of a smile appeared on William’s lips.

– No, not at all.

Lanry said nothing, and waited. William was still looking at the shoe, but then turned to Lanry and said:

– I have come to the conclusion that one woman will make as good of a wife to me as another. The citizens already think the prince is boring, weak, and sick. After this, they will also think me a simpleton.

When Lanry just stared, William continued:

– You understand, don’t you? If after all this, some woman still wants to marry me, she either really wants to be a queen, or she really needs money. Either way, I think she deserves it. I’ll have to marry at some point, and to me it doesn’t matter who it is, in the end. This way of choosing a wife will put my mind at ease. And… I have nothing against shocking my father further.

A silence fell between the two friends. William was beaming at the shoe. Lanry was pouting at the pitch. Ball music still echoed from the castle.

– Well, I will never attempt to give you advice again, said Lanry. – Will you help me up?

William took his friend by the arm, but his boots were so stuck he had to walk back to the castle in his socks.

– Just one more thing, Lanry said, frowning. William looked at him.

– What if the first woman that shoe fits, happens to be my mystery woman? She thinks I’m the prince.

William’s brows rose a little, and for a moment he seemed to consider the possibility. Then he snorted, and said:

– That would be most improbable.