They Shine at Once

She was running, even though she had wings. A pair of such beautiful, yet so strong wings. I had never seen her fly. Even now, she was just running ahead. Her feet were bare and the grass was wet from the rain. My steps made the water splash, but I didn’t hear her steps at all.

She had become almost like a ghost. I didn’t want to admit it, but somewhere deep inside my heart I knew why we were running. I didn’t want to admit it. I just kept running, as if she was running away from me. Even though I knew that wasn’t the case. If she had been running from me, she would have spread her moonlit wings already, taken flight. That’s how I knew, that in her heart, she wanted me to follow.

The moon was full in the sky. It made the night shine darkly. Tonight, everything was somehow different from usual. And once the morning light would come, there would be no turning back.

She was running across the field now. Not one straw of hay was crushed under her feet. Everything around us was quiet. My own steps and breathing were the only sounds I could hear. I kept my distance from her, even though I wanted to pull her into my arms and embrace her, to never let go. But on this night, she looked so vulnerable, so fragile, and still so fierce, I couldn’t bring myself to get closer to her.

We came to the edge of the forest. I remembered how we used to wander here, without a care in the world. Without a sense of time. The forest had been alive. It had shined with all its being. But now the forest felt frozen. There was nothing left. Only a distant, fragile echo of what had once been. I didn’t want that echo to grow weaker, but I had no time to dwell in my memories. I had to keep running forward.

I saw her run toward a clearing. The trees that sheltered it looked blacker and heavier than ever before. But we both knew the clearing was there. She ran through a gate, formed by two arched birches. I was surprised by the sudden urge to catch her. I needed to get to her. I ran faster.

In the middle of the clearing, she stopped. Her gaze ran across the midnight sky. The full moon shined directly above us now. Together with the millions of stars, it formed a dome above the clearing, as if hiding us. Taking us apart from the rest of the reality. And now I was standing right next to her.

She was still looking at the sky. Her eyes reflected every star her gaze wandered to. I wanted to capture that gaze. I lifted my hand to touch her face. It didn’t shift. She continued to search the sky, expressionless. After a while, she pressed herself into me. I wrapped my arms around her. She was as lovely and warm as ever. The chilly air didn’t affect her, even though it made me shiver. That was not a good sign…

Suddenly, she stepped away from me. At the same time, the moonlight came down, like it was reaching for the ground. She stepped under it. Inside it.

Horror came over me. I tried to reach for her, but I couldn’t any more. My hand was trying to grab at the air somewhere behind her. I couldn’t touch her. Nothing in this world could. My hand went straight through her, split her face in half without making a scratch on her skin. The moon made her nothing but a being of light. She lifted her gaze.

She finally looked at me. She smiled. And it crushed me. I just stared at her, and tears rolled down my face. I had already come to know when she smiled in pain. She didn’t say anything. And for the first time I saw how she, my angel, spread her wings. And flew. Up along with the moonlight. Far away. For a moment I thought I saw a tear on her white face. Her blue eyes were sad.

The moonlight disappeared with her. She had once come from it, and now she returned to it.

The darkness began to yield. The first traces of sunlight were in the air. For a moment, I got to see, again, how the Moon and the Sun shined at once. So dim, so far away, but from my perspective, together.

The forest was alive again. I heard the birds sing in the morning. Insects buzzed. The forest was full of voices, but they spoke a language I didn’t understand. They sang a song I didn’t want to listen to.

Everything was gone.

The Moon,

the darkness,

the quiet,

my angel.

Everything looked the same, but nothing could ever be the way it had been.

Only my heart remained.