There were times when Josephine wondered how to decrease the meaning behind the words. How to keep the space between the lines clean and take things at face value.
She looked at the stamp of the committee in the corner of her exam paper and moved on to glance at the listening comprehension questions. She could just leave it all blank. Which would lead to the question why. Or she could answer incorrectly on purpose. But the consequences likely wouldn’t turn out to be in anyone’s favour.
Everything weighed too much and Josephine knew that the correct answer was the only right one. And the time waited for no one, not even her. A), B), C), D)…
Still, Josephine played with the thought. She tried listening to every new paragraph as a story. Just a story. Between the lines, nothing but emptiness. But it took her nowhere. After all, in every piece of a story, there was a seed of truth.
I wish I could dream like you.
There were times when Mona binge-watched a huge pile of old videos. She told herself she was looking for a loophole. She wasn’t daydreaming, or anything. She wasn’t trying to win time. That’s what she thought over and over again.
The role of Sleeping Beauty was to sleep. Sleep a hundred years. Sleep over all the evil, all the hardships. Sleep, even while her prince was struggling through the wall of spikes. It was a given that the prince would climb up to the tower to wake the princess, as soon as all was well again.
All Rapunzel needed to do was to sit in her tower. Sit, and let her hair grow. Eventually, it would reach the ground and then her prince would climb up and save her.
Mona watched Prince Charming save Snow White. She watched Aladdin save Jasmine. She watched Peter Pan save Tiger Lily. At some point Mona realized that a True Princess could feel a pea under a hundred mattresses. Could she do that? She knew without trying.
Mona took her umbrella and hid the videos inside it. She went out and held tight onto the umbrella.
I wish I could walk my head above a cloud like a Disney princess.
There were times when Pauline got tired of building her houses of cards. She got tired, but she didn’t give up.
Sometimes the peaks fell down, and they had to be built again. Sometimes a card far lower gave in, causing so much more to fix. Sometimes a whole house went down. But Pauline didn’t. She built everything again and again.
Not all the cards were flawless. Some of them had dog ears, some gave out too easily and some were as crooked as they got. But Pauline knew that you could build with any of those cards. You just needed to know exactly how to place them.
And Pauline knew, that even she was just a card among others. As a card, she did everything to be flawless.
I wish I could take it when people say I’m wise.
There were times when Michaela figured she’d quit. She’d throw all her make up in the trash, and she would never count calories again. She would not appear as a cover girl anymore, telling consumers what was in.
But that was just her imagination. Michaela continued to smile for the cameras. The commercials made sure everyone saw her Pepsodent smile. Of course the viewers thought her mouth didn’t hurt.
Michaela went on posing for the fashion shots. Every single one needed to look light and effortless. Nobody was allowed to see the pain behind the poses.
Michaela couldn’t afford to shatter her illusion. She had to carry each piece of clothing as a one of a kind miracle. It could never matter that there had been countless ones.
I wish I could be happy when people say they want to be like me.
There were times when Judy wanted to say: “Never”. Or she wanted to say: “Always”. Sometimes she wished to follow her need to be loved. At times, she wanted to uncover all her secrets.
Judy knew no one would be ready to listen. Not yet. And she had to keep her mask on. Completely still. Otherwise, she would break right away.
When Judy was alone, she cried. When she cried, she read The Half Blood Prince and wished to see herself in anybody else.
All of it was okay, as long as she kept her mask on. And Judy knew there was only one thing that made her keep the mask and protect it. If it wasn’t her, it would have to be someone else.
I wish I wouldn’t feel guilty.
There were times when Norah figured she’d like to be a cat. Live her days like one. The cats ate what Norah gave them. Sometimes they were picky but eventually they got hungry enough. Norah gave them what she had.
The cats slept when they felt like it. They weren’t chained to a calendar. They hunted mise and little birds when those happened to pass, without even having to think about why.
Cats purred, rubbed your legs, hopped onto your lap. Sometimes Norah didn’t have time for it. And cats wanted to be proud and self-sufficient, so, sometimes when Norah did have time, they just turned their head and walked away.
Norah watched the TV as the stray dogs climbed up the mountains. Norah piled papers. The cats didn’t know how to read them. But hunger would always drive them home.
I play the part I have to play.
There were times when Johanna hoped to be just water. Water, that moved as a river, without resistance. Water, that vanished into thin air from the surface of the street, and poured back into the earth, hit the roofs of the cars and the houses.
Had she been just one drop of water, no one would probably have paid any attention to her. Had she been just a drop of water, there would’ve been no doubt about whether she was in the right place at the right time. She would always be, without having any notion of it herself.
But Johanna just stood in the rain. She stood in the rain and waited. She waited before the rain had even begun. And she would stay still. Even if she drowned.
I dream differently.
There were times when Christine saw her reflection in the mirror. Those times, she wanted to let that girl go. Wanted to let her free, let her have everything she could possibly think of wanting.
But then, Christine should have been out of the girl. And at the end of the day, the only one looking back at her in the mirror, was herself.
I am that I am.
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